Independence | “Don’t be scared to walk alone, don’t be scared to like it”
It’s been a funny few weeks – I won’t go into too many details but let’s just say a few things have happened lately that have really forced me to step up and act like an adult. It’s pretty easy when travelling to feel like you’re 18 and invincible, that nothing can touch you and that somehow you’re just evading all the bad things in life. Often you’re just so overwhelmed by the goodness and kindness of people that you wonder if you had them all wrong when you were back home working that 9-5 job and getting stressed out constantly by the behaviour of others. I’m not going to deny that bad things ever happen when you’re travelling, but to be honest they don’t very often – at least nowhere near as often as people warn you that they do. But when they do, it’s a shock, it brings you back down to earth with a bump after months of soaring along with your head in the clouds. Don’t worry, everyone, including myself are okay – if anything, I’m being a bit dramatic. Why? Well it all goes back to a conversation I had the other week with a friend about the situation, something she said really struck me and made me think.
When asked about life back at home, I told her that I don’t really get homesick – yes I miss the people, the moments and the history, but I don’t think I have once spent a day pining for home. I know some find homesickness a real problem when travelling and I’ve had friends who can be down for days on end if something sets off those feelings, but that’s just not me. I was never homesick when I went to university either, I think I’m just used to dealing with the feeling of being separate and I’m a very logical person who will always reason with herself that family and friends are always at the end of the phone. My friend, who does get homesick and has been missing home lately, commented on how independent I was and seemed surprised by it. Especially when she realised that I had travelled so far across the world by myself and was unafraid to tackle Asia and Australia solo. I’ve had this reaction multiple times since planning my travels and setting out – it’s something that just seems odd to me and perhaps highlights that it is still thought of as unusual for a young woman to be “brave” enough to be on her own and to be completely independent. Don’t worry – I’m not going to start quoting Beyoncé songs to you, but I do want to make the point that I think it is a huge compliment to say that someone is so very independent.
Independence is vastly underrated – whether is financial, emotional, physical or even mental, there is nothing more valuable than the ability to be on your own and still be happy. Too many people in this world are relying on the behaviour of others to make them happy, but wonder why they are always left disappointed. They don’t seem to appreciate that you have no control over the behaviour of others, ultimately if they want to mess you around or treat you badly, you can’t do anything about it except adjust your own attitude. I’ve forgiven people for some pretty horrid behaviour over the years and sometimes I’m asked why – I always respond, because it doesn’t have any impact on me beyond being upset. That person has to live with the knowledge of how they have treated me and my hating them for it will only make me unhappy and bitter – why would I want to introduce that unhappiness into my own life? As I said on my Facebook page the other day – not relying on others to make you happy is the greatest power of all. By being able to make yourself happy through fulfilling your own goals, setting your own challenges and comforting yourself in times of strife, you give yourself the key to happiness. Solo travel is a great way to learn that, but it’s something we should all learn in our own lives – other people can make your life better but only you can make it great.Of course we need others to bring light into our lives in other ways – to put a smile on our face after a hard day, to crack a joke when we’re mad, or do thoughtful things, but what happens on the day when they aren’t there? You need to be able to build yourself back up instead of just expecting others to do it for you. I’ve always been a very independent person, but before coming travelling I was a lot more emotionally dependent on others. Travelling solo has given me the space and the time to get to know myself better, it has meant learning to look after myself when times are tough and boy, have they been tough sometimes. I remember being pulled out of a crashed minibus which was half buried in a ditch, I’d been thrown against the windscreen and would have gone through it if it weren’t for the driver grabbing hold of me. I stood on the side of the road with blood pouring from my legs, with a group of Cambodians who spoke barely any English, and remember thinking, I genuinely don’t know if I’ll make it out of this one. Being in a situation like that, being forced to look after yourself and to get yourself to safety in a city that is still a hundred miles away is quite a challenge. But I did it, and I’m a stronger person for it. Now I don’t want anyone to go through anything like that, but there are ways to teach yourself the value of independence without putting yourself in danger.
Just taking a tiny step outside your comfort zone and doing it all by yourself is the most valuable experience of all – it can mean disappearing off one day and exploring a place you’ve never been before, forcing yourself to eat out alone, dealing with something complicated all by yourself instead of seeking help from parents or a partner. All of these are things I do on a daily basis now – I love to eat out alone, I love the satisfaction of managing to deal with a problem completely by myself or turning up in a place where no-one knows me and no-one in the world knows where I am. Some people call that brave, I call it just living my life one step at a time and taking chances. So far it’s paid off better than I ever could have imagined and it could be the same for everyone. Being independent is one of the most empowering feelings I have ever known. Some say to love and be loved is the greatest thing of all, but I think that being brave enough to say “I got this shit” to yourself and to others every damn day and proving it again and again is the one to aim for. Don’t ever think independence is a lonely place – I’ve never been surrounded by and had the support of quite so many amazing people who I know love me and would do anything for me as I have lately – what brought us all together is the fact that we all kick ass independently.
Do you consider yourself independent? How else can we gain independence? When’s the last time you went off the grid?