To Jacob,

Yes, that’s right, I know your name. You might not remember me very well as you were two pills to the wind when we first met properly. Eyes rolling back into your head, slurring your words and generally embarrassing yourself. But I remember you, I remember sitting outside while my friend was having a cigarette and laughing at how ridiculous you looked and how wasted you were at barely 12am. I was laughing at you when you said the bar had been turning you away for an hour, but you refused to give up. I told you you were better off going to bed and riding it out, then laughed some more. I was pleased to see you took my advice and headed to bed, but when I went up to the dorm and went to the bathroom, I definitely wasn’t laughing anymore.

Why is that Jacob? Well it’s because I walked in the toilet to find you had pissed all over the floor! Thank goodness for you that I still had shoes on, because if your warm, smelly piss had touched my naked feet, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t still be living. 23 years old and travelling the world independently – something to be proud of right? But still pissing all over the floor at your age? Not so much. I thought that was it and I could cope until the cleaners came in the morning, but just an hour or two later I was woken up by the sound of you crashing around and staggering around the room to the toilet again, ignoring you and rolling over I closed my eyes. Sleeping peacefully until my ridiculously early wake-up call, I awoke in a rush and hurriedly got dressed. As I walked to the bathroom with my toothbrush in hand, I had the nastiest shock yet to find puddles of piss on the dorm floor outside the bathroom. It seems yet again, you hadn’t quite made it.

Not impressed was an understatement. Perhaps this is acceptable in Denmark, but in my six months of travelling, I have never seen such disgusting and quite frankly, humiliating behaviour. Living in dorms for that long, you’re exposed to some gross sights and smells. From the damp, sweaty dorm smell to unwashed towels, mould and stray pubes in the plug holes… But this was the most disgusting of all. Waking up to a room that smells like piss, having to jump across puddles and try not to gag as you brush your teeth – that’s not what I signed up for. I think you could benefit from reading my post on how not to be a total douche while backpacking.

I was lucky until now, thinking of this as a bit of an urban backpacking legend. I always heard stories of the guy who pissed all over everyone’s suitcases and backpacks in the dorm, or the other one who pissed himself in a top bunk and the poor girl who was sleeping below him. But, I’ll be honest and say I never really thought of this as something that really happened. I mean, I’ve been pretty wasted but I’ve never managed to piss my pants, I just don’t understand how it could happen. Jacob, you and these other guys really need to bear in mind when getting off your faces that you have to share a room with several other people who deserve a basic standard of hygiene and respect. I’m sure no one goes out with the intention of pissing their pants, but when you’re popping multiple cheap pills of some random guy on the street until your eyes roll back in your head… You have to be prepared to lose some basic functions I guess.

Whatever your excuses, whatever your apologies Jacob, just don’t do it again. You’re lucky you checked out before we could come face to face, but next time you might not get away with it so easily. Hopefully next time you think of hitting the pills, you’ll think of the poor cleaner who had to clean up your mess, and the dorm mates who had to put up with your stink.

Hopefully, there won’t be a next time.


Have you had to deal with any situations like this? Heard any horror stories? Leave a comment below and tell us all about it…