After writing last Friday’s post, I really got to thinking about my life now compared to a year ago and how happy I am. To put things in perspective, this time last year I was living it up in Thailand with a bunch of great mates and partying my arse off. Now, I’m writing this from my new home of Melbourne while my roommate snores his head off, and yet, I think over the last two weeks I’ve reached new levels of happiness I didn’t think were possible. So I decided to start a list, of all the moments I’ve had recently that have made me feel grateful to be alive and happy I made the decisions that have led me to this point. Because, if you read my last post – you’ll know that this Valentine’s Day I’m taking the time to celebrate being single, independent and the happiest with myself I’ve ever been. Forget giving out roses and chocolates, I’m taking the time to think about and be thankful for all the things that are giving me the rosy glow of happiness.
So what has made me realise i’m in love with my life?
So there we go, the 20 things that have helped me realise why I’m so in love with my life and if you ask me, that’s by far the most important love you will have. Whether you were in a relationship or not this Valentine’s, take a moment to think about whether you are happy with yourself and your life – its something that is so easily brushed over in the busy day-to-day. Why not take 15 minutes out of your day to make a list like this one about all the positive reasons you are in love with you life, and why you are happy with your lot. You might find that actually you have a lot more love for the way things have turned out than you think – or it might just highlight a change you know you need to make! Either way – take the time to love yourself, your life and everything in it.
Tell me what you love mot about your life – what are you most thankful for?
It’s been a funny few weeks – I won’t go into too many details but let’s just say a few things have happened lately that have really forced me to step up and act like an adult. It’s pretty easy when travelling to feel like you’re 18 and invincible, that nothing can touch you and that somehow you’re just evading all the bad things in life. Often you’re just so overwhelmed by the goodness and kindness of people that you wonder if you had them all wrong when you were back home working that 9-5 job and getting stressed out constantly by the behaviour of others. I’m not going to deny that bad things ever happen when you’re travelling, but to be honest they don’t very often – at least nowhere near as often as people warn you that they do. But when they do, it’s a shock, it brings you back down to earth with a bump after months of soaring along with your head in the clouds. Don’t worry, everyone, including myself are okay – if anything, I’m being a bit dramatic. Why? Well it all goes back to a conversation I had the other week with a friend about the situation, something she said really struck me and made me think.
When asked about life back at home, I told her that I don’t really get homesick – yes I miss the people, the moments and the history, but I don’t think I have once spent a day pining for home. I know some find homesickness a real problem when travelling and I’ve had friends who can be down for days on end if something sets off those feelings, but that’s just not me. I was never homesick when I went to university either, I think I’m just used to dealing with the feeling of being separate and I’m a very logical person who will always reason with herself that family and friends are always at the end of the phone. My friend, who does get homesick and has been missing home lately, commented on how independent I was and seemed surprised by it. Especially when she realised that I had travelled so far across the world by myself and was unafraid to tackle Asia and Australia solo. I’ve had this reaction multiple times since planning my travels and setting out – it’s something that just seems odd to me and perhaps highlights that it is still thought of as unusual for a young woman to be “brave” enough to be on her own and to be completely independent. Don’t worry – I’m not going to start quoting Beyoncé songs to you, but I do want to make the point that I think it is a huge compliment to say that someone is so very independent.
Independence is vastly underrated – whether is financial, emotional, physical or even mental, there is nothing more valuable than the ability to be on your own and still be happy. Too many people in this world are relying on the behaviour of others to make them happy, but wonder why they are always left disappointed. They don’t seem to appreciate that you have no control over the behaviour of others, ultimately if they want to mess you around or treat you badly, you can’t do anything about it except adjust your own attitude. I’ve forgiven people for some pretty horrid behaviour over the years and sometimes I’m asked why – I always respond, because it doesn’t have any impact on me beyond being upset. That person has to live with the knowledge of how they have treated me and my hating them for it will only make me unhappy and bitter – why would I want to introduce that unhappiness into my own life? As I said on my Facebook page the other day – not relying on others to make you happy is the greatest power of all. By being able to make yourself happy through fulfilling your own goals, setting your own challenges and comforting yourself in times of strife, you give yourself the key to happiness. Solo travel is a great way to learn that, but it’s something we should all learn in our own lives – other people can make your life better but only you can make it great.Of course we need others to bring light into our lives in other ways – to put a smile on our face after a hard day, to crack a joke when we’re mad, or do thoughtful things, but what happens on the day when they aren’t there? You need to be able to build yourself back up instead of just expecting others to do it for you. I’ve always been a very independent person, but before coming travelling I was a lot more emotionally dependent on others. Travelling solo has given me the space and the time to get to know myself better, it has meant learning to look after myself when times are tough and boy, have they been tough sometimes. I remember being pulled out of a crashed minibus which was half buried in a ditch, I’d been thrown against the windscreen and would have gone through it if it weren’t for the driver grabbing hold of me. I stood on the side of the road with blood pouring from my legs, with a group of Cambodians who spoke barely any English, and remember thinking, I genuinely don’t know if I’ll make it out of this one. Being in a situation like that, being forced to look after yourself and to get yourself to safety in a city that is still a hundred miles away is quite a challenge. But I did it, and I’m a stronger person for it. Now I don’t want anyone to go through anything like that, but there are ways to teach yourself the value of independence without putting yourself in danger.
Just taking a tiny step outside your comfort zone and doing it all by yourself is the most valuable experience of all – it can mean disappearing off one day and exploring a place you’ve never been before, forcing yourself to eat out alone, dealing with something complicated all by yourself instead of seeking help from parents or a partner. All of these are things I do on a daily basis now – I love to eat out alone, I love the satisfaction of managing to deal with a problem completely by myself or turning up in a place where no-one knows me and no-one in the world knows where I am. Some people call that brave, I call it just living my life one step at a time and taking chances. So far it’s paid off better than I ever could have imagined and it could be the same for everyone. Being independent is one of the most empowering feelings I have ever known. Some say to love and be loved is the greatest thing of all, but I think that being brave enough to say “I got this shit” to yourself and to others every damn day and proving it again and again is the one to aim for. Don’t ever think independence is a lonely place – I’ve never been surrounded by and had the support of quite so many amazing people who I know love me and would do anything for me as I have lately – what brought us all together is the fact that we all kick ass independently.
Do you consider yourself independent? How else can we gain independence? When’s the last time you went off the grid?
When we think of backpackers, we definitely have two very different images in our minds – some of us might have a rather rose-tinted view of sun kissed limbs stretched out on the beach in skimpy bikinis watching on as muscly guys play football on the beach in their shorts. Those who have actually been backpacking will know there are usually big bags under our eyes from late nights, that we’re all a bit soft around the edges and around 20lbs heavier than we were before travelling thanks to indulging in too much pizza and beer. It’s pretty difficult to keep with any kind of fitness routine, or to maintain healthy eating while backpacking – often the easiest and cheapest options are the least beneficial for your body. (Read my top tips on how to try and stay fit and healthy while travelling here)
Despite the fact that you might not always be at your absolute peak of physical fitness while backpacking, I think it is fair to say that many people feel the most body confident they ever have. Body confidence is something that plagues us all, whether we want to admit it or not. Some of us have it in bucket loads, others barely have enough to keep them going for a two week holiday in the sun. But something I’ve noticed about backpackers is that despite them coming in all shapes, sizes and colours, they all have this radiant glow of sheer confidence and knowledge of their fabulousness that shines through. When you look at them, you don’t notice their love handles, cellulite, beer belly or stretch marks. All I see is the huge smile on their faces, the golden brown glow of their skin and the fun that sparks out of them. Where does it come from? Well it’s all down to confidence. But why are they so confident?
This post was originally published on the Base Backpackers blog and won me a free bed for the night in a Base Hostel! Find the original here.
What do you think makes backpackers so beautiful? Do you feel the most confident and happy you’ve ever been?
Travelling is one of the greatest learning curves you will ever have. You learn so much from heading outside your comfort zone, and doing it solo is one of the biggest character tests you can face in life. There is so much out there to experience, see and feel, and it really can change you as a person by bringing out that version of you that has always been waiting in the wings for your time to shine. There are so many reasons not to travel – money, commitments, relationships… The list goes on. But what about all those reasons to pack your bags and leave? What will you gain from it that you just won’t get from staying at home and working that 9-5? I know travel isn’t for everyone, and it holds no appeal for some people, but I do think that the values and personal lessons you gain from that time spent independently chasing your dreams are crucial to becoming the best version of yourself – however you choose to do this. So what do you learn? Well here are 10 things travellers have told me they have gained from heading off into the great unknown:
What have you learnt from travelling? What else have you gained from your travelling experiences? Tell us about the greatest learning curve you’ve faced on your travels…
I’ve always been a very confident person, anyone who knows me will tell you that, but travelling has brought out a confidence I never knew I had within me. People talk about travelling changing them, particularly solo travelling, they say it makes you more relaxed, more flexible, more open to experiences. I don’t agree that it changes you, I think it actually just brings out the true version of yourself – the one that was hiding behind layers of stress and hard work before. While backpacking you are finally free of the rat race, of the pressures of work and society, you can finally be the person you always wanted to be, but never thought you could. It sounds silly and I’m sure those who haven’t done it feel like I’m getting all emosh about travelling, but the ones who have experienced it are nodding vigorously at the screen.
I’ve met so many people who have spoken of the exact same feeling – that feeling of a sudden strength and confidence, that undeniable capability. So where does it come from? Well the fact that so many are heading out on these enormous trips by themselves, carrying their life in a bag and visiting all kinds of places alone, relying completely and totally on themselves is no small thing. It is a huge life-altering experience, particularly if, like me, you’ve never done anything like this before. I’ve already learnt so much by relying totally on myself to get from A to B, and then on to C, I’ve had to find my way home from the middle of nowhere by trying to communicate with those who don’t speak English, I’ve had to look after myself when I’m sick. But I’ve done it all and done it well.
That is where the confidence comes from, that silent assuredness that I can cope with anything that is thrown at me, that no matter when happens or where I end up, I will manage to find a welcoming hostel, a bar and a good meal. That I can cope with the paperwork – arranging visas and flights on the road, making sure I have permits for national parks and all the rest. It’s that knowledge that despite the language barrier, you can communicate your needs and wants to others successfully, that you can get where you need to be and you will be okay. It’s that confidence that when you’re walking the streets you are not constantly going to be a target of thieves, rapists and all the rest, that people actually just want to meet you and talk to you, unlike what everyone else said before you left!What raises you higher every single day is meeting new people, being that person who puts themselves out there repeatedly, just waiting to see if a new friendship will form or if you will be knocked back. It’s so easy when you’re in a cosy bubble of friends and family back home who have all known your forever to not realise your value or your worth. But constantly meeting new people, telling them your stories and about your life and seeing their eyes light up, you realise that actually strangers think you’re pretty awesome and they want to be friends with you. That actually there are people outside your bubble, from across the globe, who can have so much in common with you. Like when you meet someone and within a day you know you’ll be friends for life, like you’ve been waiting your whole life to meet the other part of yourself. That’s the travel soulmate.
All of these things, and so many more, help boost you up as a person and make you realise how amazing you are, and that’s why travellers come back with that glow. That glow of self confidence and self assurance, the one the non-travellers can’t quite place but put it down to a tan and a happy holiday. It’s more than that, it’s knowing who you are and who you want to, and can, be. At home it is so easy to be caught up in everyday life, but removing yourself from that busy, stressful environment really helps fast track you to becoming that confident and fabulous human being that takes time to grow. So if you’re heading out on a solo trip somewhere, remember to embrace this feeling and to feel proud when you get it, it means you’ve grown as a person and realised how awesome you really are!
Do you know the feeling I’m talking about? How has travelling changed you as a person? Or has it had no effect on you? Tell me about your experiences – whether a year-long solo trip or a weekend away with friends.