Flying has always been my favourite way to travel. I love the excitement of stealing away in the middle of the night to catch a flight to somewhere exotic. I love the hustle and bustle of airports and people watching in departures as I try to guess where everyone might be going. You might think I’m crazy, but I even love long-haul flights when you can spend hours eating, drinking wine from the free bar and watching all the movies you missed in the cinemas. I’ve long since lost count of how many times I’ve soared through the air in my 26 years, but I’ve clocked up a hell of a lot of air miles in that time and had some interesting experiences along the way. From the time the pilot was forced to do an emergency landing in the Seychelles because there was something wrong with the plane, to the time my dad mixed up the flight times and we ended up at the airport before it had even opened on Christmas Day.
I’ve been lucky and never had any really bad flights considering how much I have travelled, but we’ve all been subject to those really awful passengers – the ones who make everyone’s life hell for those hours in the air. As I said, I’ve always been a bit of a people-watcher and sitting in the airport is one of the best places to do it. I love grabbing a drink in a bar and watching as everyone hurries past to catch their flight – you can tell instantly the problem passengers who will drive those sitting in their vicinity crazy over the following hours.
So who really are the worst offenders?
Lads on tour
Usually late, usually drunk, always loud. Whether its lads or ladies on tour, it’s bloody annoying to be stuck sitting in a crowd of people headed for a festival or party holiday when they behave like school kids. It shouldn’t have to be spelled out for adults but throwing things around the plane, shouting and screaming at each other, and being drunk and mouthy to other passengers is not okay. I remember being on a flight to Hideout Festival in Croatia and seeing other groups acting like this – I was embarrassed to be among them. It’s possible to have fun and have a laugh while being respectful of everyone else and it starts by not getting drunk in the airport and holding up the plane.
I can’t deal with people who are terminally late, it drives me crazy. I’m always on time and I never understand people who can justify holding other people up. I don’t mind when people are late the odd few times, but when it is every single time and you are impacting on other people’s lives it is just rude. When it comes to flights, I understand there are extenuating circumstances sometimes, but often you see the people who stumble on to the flight last and can just tell they weren’t paying attention to the announcements, to their flight time or to anything other than the bar. When you fly, it isn’t much to ask that you get yourself to the departure gate on time. It’s important to realise that every second you hold up the plane, is impacting on every passenger’s connecting flights, transfers and delays. Every second you waste at the bar is time that could mean missing your flight altogether, or could even mean the flight missing it’s departure window on the tarmac.
Just like screaming children, there is always a deafening snorer on board the plane. The one who snores so loud they wake themselves up and glare around the plane to see who was making the noise. People can’t help being a snorer, but if you do snore really loudly, it might help to try a mouthguard when you’re on board to allow the other passengers to get a little shut-eye during the flight.
Something that often can’t be helped but always grosses me out. One thing I hate about flying is breathing the recycled air as it is pumped out of the air conditioning over and over again during a long-haul flight. It’s made even worse when you can hear someone snuffling and sneezing a few seats over, all those germs flying around the plane and being pushed through the vents into your lungs. Maybe I’ve watched too many movies where some horrible epidemic is spread in the course of a flight, or maybe I’ve just boarded too many planes completely healthy and then felt horrendous a day later. It’s never nice being that person who is ill on a plane – been there and it’s horrible – but it’s also not great to be the person who is being sneezed over in a confined space.
We all know that feeling of doom when we’ve paid out half a month’s wages for that flight across the world and two minutes in a kid behind us starts screaming. I do understand it can be difficult to travel with children sometimes, when they’re bored or tired or their ears hurt and their natural response is to cry or scream. But I didn’t pay a small fortune to sit in a confined space for 14 hours with a screaming child in my ear. My parents travelled with me from when I was barely a few months old and never had instances when I screamed or cried for the whole flight, I just happily played or slept through the journey. Likewise, the baby behind me on my flight back to London was peaceful and quiet the whole journey – I didn’t even know he was there until we left the plane. It is possible, and it makes everyone’s life a bit better.
The ones who just can’t wait for anyone and jeopardise everyone’s safety in the process. This is a real pet peeve of mine – I can be pretty impatient but when it comes to travel I’m pretty chilled. It really frustrates me when you see people walking around the cabin when seatbelt signs are on, when you see people on their mobile phones when they’ve been told to turn them off and when you get people grabbing their bags and queuing to get off the plane before it has even reached the terminal. The safety measures are in place for a reason and by ignoring them you put everyone at risk because you simply can’t chill out, wait and read a book.
Those flustered flyers who freak out at the first sign of turbulence, over-think everything and hog the attention of the air stewardess when you’re trying to call them over. I totally understand that some people are nervous flyers, but there’s a difference between the ones who are genuinely fearful and the ones who are just attention-seeking and need someone to tell them to get a grip. My mum is a bit of a nervous flyer but only if you draw attention to it, if I distract her with wine and movies she is absolutely fine and actually enjoys the flight.
What was your worst plane experience? Are you guilty of any of these? Can you think of any other offenders on flights?