Christmas and New Year are definitely some of those times when people really start to think about their relationship status – a bit like the post-Christmas bloat, it’s something that hangs over every festive party and moment under the mistletoe. It can suck a bit to be single at Christmas, to not have someone special to keep you warm and to get you that extra special present. But it can also be great to be single at Christmas – you don’t have to feel guilty when you sit there and eat an entire cheeseboard in one sitting then spend the night farting in bed, and no awkward decision about whose family you’ll spend the day with. When it comes to New Year, this was my first as a single girl for nine years – which seems crazy to me. Basically as long as I’ve been old enough to go out drinking I’ve been in a relationship, more than a third of my life. And it was a good relationship, a great one in fact, but 2015 was all about the start of something new, about taking control of my life and doing something for me. I broke off my relationship and left to travel the world solo, a year later I should be heading home but have decided I’m not ready for my adventures to finish yet. Last December 31st I was surrounded by good friends and spent the night celebrating with my other half. But this year, it felt right to celebrate independently after the year I’ve had. I’ve conquered all sorts and I’ve done it all by myself, so I was more than happy to be a single girl as I took my first steps into 2016.
This time of year it’s easy to get caught up in the romance of the season – all those engagement rings popping up on my newsfeed, all those cute couple photos in matching Christmas jumpers, and all those New Year kissing photos. We’re blasted in the face with the expectation and the pressure to be in a happy relationship or left to feel like failures, but I have to ask, isn’t it more important at this time of year to be looking inwardly and thinking more about the relationship we have with ourselves? New Year is always a great time to look back over the year as it comes to a close – at what we’ve achieved and suffered, learnt and lost over the last 12 months. We’re all planning and making goals for the year ahead, but so many are setting goals, more like ideals for where they see themselves in 12 months. They’re thinking about things like relationships statuses, job goals, having their own homes. All of these are great in their own way, but why not take the time to think about how mentally healthy and happy you are. Two Christmases ago I took a two week break from work and from life – I finally had headspace to think and after the two weeks was up I realised I didn’t want to go back to that life. That was when I realised that how I was working and living was not making me healthy or happy – it was time to plan an escape and my next moves. That was when I began saving, when I bought a plane ticket. A year later, I hopped on that plane and never looked back.
It’s not the answer for everyone and I’m not saying this to tell you to go do the same. Travel might not be your way of healing but starting 2016 on your own could provide you with a good opportunity to really look closely at your life. Are you happy? Are you on your way to achieving what you want out of life? If not, why not? This is your chance to claim 2016 as your year to work on you – do what I did, step back and reassess. Our goals change as we grow as people and sometimes the ones you set a while ago will no longer fit the person you have become – if you no longer want something why work towards it? Evolve your goals and you will find happiness in working towards what you truly want. If a job no longer makes you happy, look elsewhere and find one that does. Feel like work is taking over your life? Take a step back and explore your passions in your free time. Unsure whether a relationship is still giving you what you need – make a change, end it or go in search of something new. It doesn’t matter how trapped you feel, even if it feels like there is no way out, there always is. But you have to be willing to make the first move – once you’ve taken that first step it turns into the easiest and most natural thing in the world, but first you have to take a leap of faith.
It can be a huge change that all your family and friends talk about, or it can be something tiny that just makes a world of difference to you. Either way, having the courage to examine your life and really think about where you want it to go can be simultaneously the scariest and most valuable thing you do this January. Why? Because it will help give you focus and goals for the year ahead – to find the happiness you’ve been searching for. 2015 was my happiest and freest year yet – it was so amazing that I skipped my flight home and chose to stay and carry on for as long as possible. I’m looking forward to seeing what 2016 brings – I’m just hoping for more happiness, the love of many new friends I have yet to meet and even more opportunities to follow my passions. Most importantly, I’m not sitting around and waiting for life to happen to me, I’m out there making it happen for myself.
Have you made any New Years resolutions? What are your goals for this year? Is travel in your plans for 2016 – where are you heading?
I love this post. Amazing job girl. I am going through a bit of a journey to refind happiness again and it’s all over on my blog!! So glad I read this.
Sophie x
http://www.sophieblunt.com
Thanks Sophie! I’ll check out your blog – always interested to read about the journeys others are going through – sometimes it can be great having these setbacks in the long run, it teaches us to be grateful for what is right in front of us. Glad the post helped you xxx
I’ve been single for, oh, 5 years now and I can’t even imagine having a relationship. I watch my friends and family have so much romantic drama that I’m so put off. I know not all men are the same but I’m so guarded now. SOOO kinda the opposite to you, I’m aiming to be open to love in 2016. 🙂 I’m going backpacking so maybe that’s the change I need to be open to relationships again.
I read every. single. blog post of yours by the way, and totally adore your blog and your writing!
Happy 2016.
Sheree xx
I completely understand where you’re coming from Sheree, after the experience I went through I think I reached a point where I was too scared to let anyone in for a long time so instead I just turned into little miss single and made fun the name of the game. It worked for a long time but then I realised that I just love too much – whether it’s friends, family or in relationships – I can’t help it, I just find something to love in everyone I meet and I didn’t want to stop doing that. Romantic drama definitely puts me off but I think I’ve reached a point where I can look back on my last relationship and see nothing but the good times now which is great – it makes me realise that there is good and bad in every relationship. Perhaps travelling will be the best thing for you – it totally threw down my guard and pushed me out of my comfort zone, I think it makes you brave and more open to those around you. Whether it’s a short fling or something long-term, perhaps that’s just what you need to get past this. Either way, I wish you so much luck with travelling and with love. Thank you so much for your support and for reading my posts, Rhat really is the best compliment thank you so much. Have the best 2016 and keep in touch – I’d love to hear more about your adventures! Xxx
Great post, I am going through the exact same thing right now. In Nov I split with my BF of over 5 years; just just bought our first house a few months earlier. The festive season has been so hard but 2016 is for me. I love to travel but have never done it on my own so just booked my first solo trip. Terrified but excited too. Thanks for sharing xx
Good for you Ruth! So horrible when any relationship ends, but especially when it’s long term or has a commitment as big as a house involved. But it sounds like you are determined to bounce back and take back control of your life. I wish you all the luck and happiness in 2016 and hope you have the most amazing time!
Great blog post – people spend too much looking for happiness in someone else, rather than looking close to home(themselves). I’m starting to apply this myself after a bad breakup. Thank you for sharing your story. – naturalpassion.blogspot.co.uk/
Thanks Alcione – you’re so right, we can’t find happiness if we can’t create our own. Sorry to hear about your break up but you will come out of it a stronger and better person, hope this has helped you x