If you're reading this, there's a good chance you're facing a tough decision about whether to choose solo travel or love. Perhaps you're in a relationship but you've found yourself at a crossroads where life feels like it's pulling you in opposite directions. Maybe someone you thought you saw a whole life with is suddenly feeling distant and you're feeling called to explore a different kind of future to the one you envisioned together. Sound familiar? I know that feeling well, the decision between travel and love was one I've faced a few times in my life and its never become any less challenging to face.
It's 10 years since I was first faced with this decision, so I'm revisiting this blog now with the benefit of hindsight and a decade of adventure under my belt. While this is not a decision I can make for you, it's certainly one I can share my experiences on so that you, in turn, can make a decision that is right for you. Choosing between travel and love can be an emotional rollercoaster and you might be left questioning everything – but it's important to know that sometimes things need a good shake-up in your life. I personally have found that break-ups in my life have been a huge catalyst for change and driving me back to travel time and time again to heal my heart.
How I Made The Choice Between Solo Travel & Love
When I first made the decision to go travelling a decade ago, it was not an easy decision. I was comfortable in my 9 year relationship and job as a journalist. There was always something in me itching for more than that life, but I didn't know what. I dreamed of travel, but always hoped I'd have the chance one day. "One day" felt like my motto for life, like I was always waiting for it to start. Don't get me wrong, I had an amazing life in my hometown and was surrounded by incredible friends. But it wasn't enough. So, when my boyfriend cheated on me after nine years together – there was a moment when it occurred to me that I had a choice with how I was going to handle the situation. My heart was crushed, he was my first love. Part of me wanted to stay and fight for the relationship, to try and save what we had. That part of me was the stubborn part, the one who didn't want the last 9 years to feel like a waste. But then there was the part of me who already knew the relationship was over.
Luckily, I listened to that part of me. I made the very hard decision to say goodbye to the life that I knew at home. I quit my job, sold my possessions, dumped my boyfriend and booked that flight. Please don't think for a second that any of this was an easy choice, I spent every night crying myself to sleep and wondering if this was the right decision. I was devastated, but I also had this bubble of excitement within me. I had realised that no matter how big and scary it was to travel solo as a woman, I was more terrified of waking up one day and realising I never saw the world and I settled for a life that was "easy".
Spoiler alert, I travelled the world solo for the next 10 years and had other beautiful relationships. I remained close friends with my ex-partner, so much so that he actually came and travelled with me in Australia and I'm now friends with his new girlfriend. I'm now in a very happy relationship with someone who loves travel and who understands my need for solo travel to remain a part of my life, something I thought might never happen. Travelling was exactly what I needed at that moment in my life so help me grow and chase my dreams – it was the best decision and healed me in ways I didn't know I needed healing.
Solo Travel & Relationships – Finding Balance
Let's start by saying that there is NO SUCH THING as a "normal relationship" – we spend so much of our lives worrying about being single or whether our relationship matches up to the ideals. We throw away perfectly good partners because of icks and hold on to the ones who are waving red flags. If you're struggling to choose between travel and love, it's important to understand that in a truly happy and healthy relationship, there should be NO CHOICE. That actually, you should one day find a partner you can compromise with so that you are both happy in your own ways. I've found an amazing balance with my current relationship where I now get to travel with my partner, I travel solo and travel for work as a full-time travel content creator. It's a dream come true and a reality I didn't know existed, so my advice to you is to never settle and always dream the biggest life and love for yourself.
Why are break-ups so hard in your twenties?
When you're in your twenties, you have such a short perspective on life. Time seems to stretch in front of you forever and the time you have spent with a partner feels like your whole life. First love and young love are some of the biggest emotions you can experience at that point in your life, I know it was for me. You picture your whole life with that person and when that is taken away from you, it's not just the loss of a partner but a whole future. It can feel like the world is ending, but it's important to know that there is not just one person for you and often a relationship ends because it is creating space for something much better in your life. Relationships ending are a huge catalyst for personal growth, so don't underestimate the glow-up! Read this on Why Solo Travel is the Best Cure for a Broken Heart
Is it better to travel single or in a relationship?
Travelling while single has been one of the best experiences of my life. It really is true freedom to experience the world around us without feeling guilty for leaving a partner at home and constantly missing someone. Travelling solo while single opens you up to meeting the most incredible humans and connecting with people in a deeper way that I don't think happens when you are travelling with a partner or are in a relationship with someone at home. Travelling while in a relationship is amazing when you travel with that partner and get to experience dream destinations with them by your side, but it is a different experience to being single for solo travel. Read this article on How to Prepare for First Time Solo Travel
Is it normal to go on trips without your partner?
Absolutely it is normal to go on trips without your partner, I travel solo and for work all the time without my boyfriend. Many couples will have different interests, perhaps one doesn't like to travel as much. Other couples will have less annual leave (PTO) available to them through their jobs, or simply different budgets which means one person travels solo often. It's all about understanding that there is "no normal" in relationships, it's about finding a balance that works for you. You should never have choose between solo travel and being in a relationship and if a partner is threatened by you choosing to travel alone, perhaps they are not the right partner for you.
What is the best age to travel alone?
Any age is the best age to travel alone! I speak to women all the time who are just starting out at 18 and who are going to travel the world. I meet others who are 40 and taking their first solo trip, I've heard from women who are in their 60's and are itching to travel but have no-one to do it with. There's been a real surge in older women who have always wanted to try solo travel but have been busy working, raising families and haven't had the opportunity, but suddenly want to seize the day in retirement. In my years of solo travel, I have met so many female travellers of all ages who are travelling alone. Please always remember that there is no perfect age for solo travel – if you want to travel you just have to go and do it! Read this post on Scared to Travel Solo? Here's how to be brave
Why does my boyfriend want to solo travel?
Perhaps a partner wants to try solo travel and you're finding it difficult to see how you fit into that plan. It can be tough to hear a boyfriend wants to try travelling alone – you might wonder why he doesn't want to travel with you. Please don't feel hurt or angry, it probably took a lot for him to raise this desire with you and it doesn't automatically mean your relationship is over. Many relationships survive and actually thrive when a partner takes time out to try solo travel. Travelling alone can be a huge confidence boost and can drive personal growth, making them a better partner for you. It will be difficult to navigate this shift in a relationship, but it's important to have open and honest conversations about the travel plans – whether you both want to remain together and what expectations will be in place while you spend that time apart.
Choosing to break up for solo travel
I love that quote, “People come into your life for a reason, a season, a lifetime.” Relationships have purpose no matter what time they come into your life, but it might not always be what you expect. I had no idea when I ended that relationship that the solo trip I booked would turn into 10 years of solo travel and a travel business I built from nothing. I had no idea that I would be in the relationship I'm in now with a guy I've known since high school, someone I knew even when I was in that first relationship.
The world works in mysterious ways and if you're finding it difficult to choose between solo travel and love, perhaps one thing I can offer you is perspective. Your twenties can feel like you're running out of time and you need to "have it all" by the time you hit the big 3-0, but the truth is your twenties are the time to make crazy, wild decisions. You will never be this young, free, healthy and have so little to hold you back. I am so grateful that I chose to prioritise travel, it has completely changed my life.
