You may have read about my travel plans for next year in a post I published last week - if not, do check it out by following the link - and after a lot of questions about how I am financing my trip and making my plans I though it was time for another post on the subject.
I am planning to head off early next year for an open-ended trip across South-East Asia (mainly Thailand, with some other stops thrown in) followed by Australia and New Zealand where I hope to work and extend my stay for as long as possible. One thing that I have been repeatedly asked is how I am preparing for this trip, and , well the quick answer is with two main things - a hell of a lot of READING and a hell of a lot of SAVING. Both equally important because you can have all the money in the world but without knowledge this is useless, and vice versa, you can have all the plans in the world but in the end you have to finance it somehow. At the moment I am delving into several guide books and guides for planning a gap year, along with multiple travel blogs and backpacker online guides to really make sure I have all the information I need.
Meanwhile, I am saving, and hard to make sure that I have the money I need and want put aside to keep me travelling for as long as possible before I need to find work - this is important to me because escaping working full time and education is one of the main reasons I am planning to leave. I have been working since I was 14 years old and in education since I was five, now I think it is time for me to have a break and see the world - to get some real education! So, I have been making cutbacks and changes to my lifestyle which, although tricky, will pay off massively next year when I am on a Thai beach sipping cocktails instead of serving the drinks.
Here are the first set of changes I have made, with more yet to come:
I'm always open to any other suggestions and would appreciate any help with finding other ways of saving money and earning a bit extra for my travels. Leave me a comment and tell me how you saved up enough to make your dream come true!
NOTE: I originally wrote this post on what its really like to have a boyfriend at university around 5+ years ago. Fresh from university and part-way through a 9 year relationship. As so much time has passed, and this has become one of my most read posts ever, I wanted to add more details. I hope if you find yourself in the same situation that I was, that you will make the right decision for you. Please do take this post as it was intended. As a record of my own experiences and what worked well for us at the time. Every couple is different and what worked for us might not work for you, but that is up to you to decide.
Heading to university soon? If you're in a relationship and feel torn over having a boyfriend at university – this is the post for you. This is my way of sharing my own relationship experiences in the hopes it will help others. This is aimed at young couples facing difficult decisions over long-distance relationships or even breaking up. I met my boyfriend when I was 16 years old, he was a year older and the complete opposite of me. While I worked hard, studied all the time and dreamed of escaping to university. He was loud, misbehaved and the teachers hated him.
It was so satisfying to get the results I wanted, and to prove my family, friends and teachers wrong. All were concerned I wasn't studying hard enough simply because of my boyfriend. When the truth was if anything he encouraged me to study more! Not only did I beat expectations but I got into the university I had set my heart on – University of Hertfordshire. But I had my pick of accommodation, course modules and everything I had been dreaming of. From the second I had walked on campus the year before, I knew this was the university for me. The question was, would my serious relationship survive university?
By the time I left for university, I had been with my boyfriend for around 2 years. We hadn't even considered breaking up – we were happy and he was supportive of my studies. He had already finished school at this point but had chosen to do an engineering apprenticeship which meant he would be staying in our home town. Throughout the whole three years of my having a boyfriend at university – we stayed together. He lived and worked at home, I studied a few hours away and we saw each other as much as possible. The truth is – it was hard, but I'm glad we did it. It's now five years on – we eventually stayed together for a total of nine years and we're still the best of friends now.
Over the years, I've been asked so many questions about maintaining a relationship at university. Is it possible? Am I missing out on anything? Should I be single? Can we survive a long-distance relationship? The truth is – I can't answer any of these questions about your relationship. But what I can do is I can tell you what worked for mine. University will test your relationship, probably beyond anything before at this point in your life. You're madly in love with your boyfriend, can't imagine ever being with anyone else. You can't bear the thought of breaking up, but at the same time are ready for a whole new adventure.
For me, it was simple. I loved my boyfriend and wanted to stay with him regardless – I didn't see why university would get in the way of that. I wasn't interested in meeting guys, and we had never stopped partying since we had been together so I knew I wouldn't feel temptation on nights out. Distance plays a big part in your decision – long-distance relationships are not to be taken lightly. It's a huge commitment to make sure both partners feel secure and loved, while maintaining your independence. My university choice (which was not influenced at all by my relationship) was just 2.5 hours away, less than 2 hours by train and one or both of us had a car throughout my time there.
We were both always very independent people who had our own groups of friends and our families to keep us busy, we always set aside time for each other. Now I won't deny that it was hard at times – that we missed each other like crazy. But we were determined to make it work – both of us. So that meant making compromises on our schedules to make time to call each other, but also being understanding when one of us was not available. It meant dedicating certain weekends to nothing but couple time, but also encouraging time apart to build our own lives. It meant a lot of communication. Calling each other just to say hi, thoughtful texts to say how you feel, even flowers to remind the other how much you love them. Having a boyfriend at university only worked because we BOTH made the effort.
Starting university is throwing yourself into new-found independence and freedom. The excitement of making new friends, discovering new passions, keeping up with your course and lots of partying. At first your new schedule will be jam-packed with Fresher's Week (or month!) and you may have little time for your boyfriend. Remember they might find this difficult to deal with – you're off having a new adventure and it feels like you've forgotten about them.
Make the effort! You wouldn't like it if they disappeared off for weeks of getting drunk with strangers. Text them updates or email them if your schedules don't line up enough for a call.
Getting used to your new life and schedule is fun at first, but it can make maintaining your relationship hard work. My university course involved a lot of independent study and very little time in actual classrooms. Naturally, I loved my flexible schedule and it led to a lot of nights out with my mates, and a lot of random study nights in the library. I found that I worked much better at night and the library was much quieter. After a while I felt like I was practically nocturnal which wasn't great for us keeping in contact. He was working 6am-2pm and I was staying up all night and sleeping all day, or drunk calling him at 2am and waking him up. It takes compromise and you have to find your own balance as a couple.
Don't let this continue or you'll both feel neglected. Call your boyfriend and explain your schedule – tell him you're finding it hard and find a time that works for both of you.
One huge benefit of going to university is having your own space. Perhaps you were both living with parents at home and struggled to get time to yourselves. Suddenly, you have your own room in a block of people that won't disturb you! Go off for dinner, or cook your own, lay in bed all day and watch movies or do whatever you want. Having a serious boyfriend at university was quite easy for me because my campus was so quite at weekends. Lots of people went home to work in London, so often we would have the whole flat to ourselves. Being just a few hours away, we took it in turns for him to come and visit, and other weekends I would go home and visit my family. Later on I had a car which made it even easier to decide to drive home at a moment's notice.
Be honest about how often you can see each other. Maybe you can see each other every other weekend, but once a month is also great. Don't put too much pressure on yourselves or you're more likely to fail.
This is the biggest question of all about having a boyfriend at university. Put simply – yes, there is a lot of temptation at university. If you like sweaty blokes who are wearing too much aftershave daring their mates to down dirty pints without being sick on themselves. Not really my type thanks. Some might feel left out of all the drunken snogging and sleeping around that comes with Freshers. But real talk – what you're really missing out is doing the Walk of Shame while dressed as Superwoman, and a whole lotta regret.
It is possible to go to university and not sleep with everyone. It is possible to go on a night out and go home with your girls and a greasy burger. And it is possible to spend a night in your own bed. There are a lot of girls out there who get drunk and just need some affection. This was the tough bit, being drunk and wanting to call your boyfriend because you miss him. But you deal with it and move on. My best advice – if you are tempted, end the relationship before making a big mistake and hurting your partner. Honesty is always the best policy.
Put simply - it is possible to have a happy, loving, long-distance relationship while at university. It isn't always easy, but in the end it is more valuable than any one night stand. You will have wobbles and strops over seeing each other and missing each other. But you will also have amazing times and you will end up a lot stronger for it. My main advice is to be sure of what you want before you go. But don't be afraid to change your mind when you actually experience university life. You have to choose what is best for you both. If you think it is worth it, it probably is.
I was two years into my relationship when I went to university and we stayed together for nine years. He's still a huge part of my life today. It's not an easy decision, be be assured that whatever you choose will be the right decision for you. Breaking up a relationship can sometimes lead to some of the best moments of your life.
Have you been faced with a big decision over whether to break off a relationship or stay together at university? What did you choose?
I spotted a great post by Kettlemag.com the other day about how to get the best work experience in journalism - fantastic advice from Sian Elvin for up-and-coming journalists who don't know where to begin.
It made me think about work experience and the importance of getting the most out of it while you have the opportunity because quite simply, it can completely change what you want to do with your life. I am a great example of this - I went to university where I studied English Literature and English Language and Communication thinking that I wanted to become a teacher. The summer before my final year at university, out of desperation from working at a terrible milkshake shop and card store, I wrote to the local paper and asked for work experience to save me from insanity and to have something to show for the summer.
Amazingly, they welcomed me in - I was the first person to be given the opportunity in several years because the previous editor didn't allow it. Sheer luck? Or a great CV? I had previously done an extra course at university on perfecting your CV and highlighting your credentials, so I would like to think this is what secured me the position. I went along, smartly dressed and full of beans for my first day at the paper. I was there for just five days, but in those five days, I wrote every different type of story going, spoke to the public, interviewed, went out with photographers, went to court, inquests and council meetings with another reporter. It gave me a wealth of experience and even led to me securing the front page story for that week. This incredible experience completely changed what I wanted to do with my life and career - deciding there and then that I wanted to go into journalism.
When I left, I was asked to take on a student writing column specifically about my life and adventures at university - I wrote this weekly column throughout my final year at university and loved it. I still get people, including the local MP, talking to me about it now several years on. I also was the paper's first port of call when two reporters left their jobs quite suddenly and they found themselves short-staffed - they took me on with no qualifications and I worked there for the month before returning to university. It gave me a fantastic opportunity and helped me secure a job and training for when I finished university.
But it has become clear to me over my time working at the newspaper, when I have seen several work experience kids come in of all ages and experiences, that so many just do not have the confidence to make the most of this opportunity. Instead, many prefer to keep their heads down and struggle along instead of asking for help or guidance.
So here are my top tips for getting the most out of work experience:
So there you have it - my top tips for making the most of a placement. Don't waste the opportunity - they are few and far between in today's job market and you really can't afford to not take advantage of the situation. Just be sure to make it work for you as well - don't be afraid to speak up if you feel you aren't getting much out of the week, just do it in such a way that you suggest things you could do to help them rather than saying it is rubbish.
Have you got any work experience tips? Share them below.
How crazy that I originally published this "power of positivity" post six years ago! I've done a lot of growing up in the last six years and now as I'm revisiting some of my older blog posts. I'm also taking the time to update them and to rewrite some of them to include what I've learnt since they were published. This post is such an important one – even more so because as I rewrite this, we are in the grips of the Coronavirus pandemic and positivity is so vital right now. This post wont be pandemic-specific – rather I want it to be a post that is relevant at all times and will be useful no matter when you end up reading this post.
I've always been a very positive person. Sometimes that has been to my benefit and sometimes to my downfall. It's something that I've learned a lot about over the years – ways to maintain it and ways to control it and not let it get the better of me. It might sound strange – but being a positive person can be a steep learning curve as you realise that not everyone out there has the same mindset as you. Sadly, there are other people who will try to tear you down because of it. The important thing is to learn strength of character and to be able to maintain your positive mindset. Even in the face of challenges which will no doubt spring up regularly throughout your life.
When I first wrote this post six years ago, I was incredibly naive and young. I'm not afraid to admit that I had no idea the challenges that life can throw at us. But the last six years has really shown me that it's not always easy to be positive. I've faced broken relationships, a complete career change and toxic friends. There's been infidelity, domestic violence, threats of harm and I even came close to my own death. But what have I learned from these experiences? That staying positive and believing in my abilities to survive everything that came my way was what got me through.
You see, it's not just about believing you can survive these experiences. It's about knowing you can thrive no matter what. I'm a big believer in manifestation and speaking your hopes and dreams into the universe. The energy you put out there is what comes back to you. If you're putting out negativity, stress and worry, the universe will return it to you. Spreading positivity and hope, just brings more of it into your life and I am walking proof. Even if you don't believe in manifesting your dreams. The power of positivity has a huge impact on your physical health, mental health and those around you. You don't have to walk around with a big grin on your face 24/7. But having this unshakeable positive mindset can have a huge impact on your life.
The power of positivity isn't always a benefit to our lives. It can sometimes harm us or make us vulnerable to those who might take advantage of our good will. It's something we can only learn through experience and I've certainly had one hell of an experience the last few years. That's not to say we should stop in our positivity – just that it is a skill we need to cultivate in order to make it stronger. At times challenges will come along and it's up to us to learn the lesson and change the choices we make – that's how we grow as individuals.
This is a hard one and I know I am absolutely guilty of letting the power of positivity overrule that voice in the back of my head. Ignoring my intuition for love, or infatuation with another. All those red flags we ignore, all those uneasy feelings deep in our gut. We've all had them and ignored them in the hopes we might be able to change someone, or they might be telling the truth. But sadly the truth is that people can't be changed, they can only change if they are ready to do the work. If your gut is telling you something, always listen, it's always right.
This was a tough lesson to learn and one that hit me hard over the last few years. When you're a positive person – it's hard to imagine people who are just toxic, broken and narcissistic. It's hard to imagine people who are just there to hurt, harm or break you because of their own traumas that they have buried deep inside. It's so sad but there really is nothing you can do for these people but identify them as soon as possible and cut all contact. Toxic people will easily fly under the radar masquerading as sweet and kind friends until they turn and you are left to pick up the pieces. The most important thing to remember – you don't owe anyone anything in this world. You are well within your rights to cut people out of your life and to remove the toxicity.
Don't let bad relationships and toxic people stop you from being positive. While these characters will no doubt have an impact on us and shape the version of ourselves we become. It's important to not let them break your power of positivity. Giving people the benefit of the doubt is important at times – people can surprise you and unless we are willing to let them try, nothing will ever change. However, if you have given someone the benefit of the doubt multiple times and they keep claiming "I can change" or "things will get better" or "I can fix this" – you can be damn sure that they won't and they are manipulating you. Step away and remember the phrase – fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me!
I can honestly say I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for the power of positivity. I've had some pretty horrible and scary experiences over the last few years, a few of which have threatened my life. I'm not looking for sympathy – but to show you that staying positive has helped me heal, time and time again. It has built me back up from the depths of despair and has given me a way forward, a way to remain myself even when broken. Positivity spreads easily, so by keeping my positive mindset, I have helped others to do the same and to move onwards and upwards.
On a daily basis – staying positive helps me to get motivated. It gives me the confidence to take risks and it helps me to look after myself so that I am my best self and am able to help and support others. You know that saying, you need to fill up your own cup before helping others? Well it's true and it's so important to do this daily – whether it takes the form of yoga and meditation, or simply eating well, exercising and sleeping enough. By doing this daily, you will feel ready and able to support others as they need and to help them with their positivity. But you can't do this without looking after you first.
When travelling solo, things can quickly become intimidating or scary if you let them. It's so important, especially when first starting out, to maintain your mindset and to not let things get on top of you. Instead of looking at the big picture, focusing on smaller steps until you're on your way. Being a positive person also makes you very approachable and open to meeting new people. You will find that positive attracts positive and if you're putting out good vibes, you will attract great people. Whereas those who are more negative won't appeal to those looking to make new friends.
Escaping and recovering from domestic violence was without doubt the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I won't lie, it broke and changed the person I was into the person I am today. For anyone who is going through the same thing, I have written articles on this topic – find the links below. But I want to focus on how my positive mindset really helped me to heal from domestic violence. I forced myself to focus on what I had learnt from the experience. To think about where I was going in the future. And to feel grateful for what a lucky escape I had compared to many who hadn't managed to get out.
These simple thoughts helped me to stay positive while also going through the negative parts of the healing process. Without both sides of the process, it could have been a very different story for me, but the power of positivity really helped me to get back to myself.
Have you ever wondered why bad things happen to some people and others seem to breeze through life? The truth is – no-one breezes through life, it's difficult for everyone. We all face our challenges and have curve balls thrown our way unexpectedly. But what sets us apart is how we choose to deal with those situations. Do we let the negativity take over, or do we tackle problems with a smile and refuse to let them slow us down?
One thing you might not even be aware of is how much your attitude affects your life. Think about days when you spring out of bed whistling, chat to the person who makes your coffee, greet everyone with a smile when you get to the office and help a door open for someone. Those positive days have a ripple effect, so saying thank you and chatting to the coffee person puts them in a good mood which they pass on to the next customer. The person you hold a door open for, might help an elderly person with their shopping. Positivity is infectious and it spreads quickly.
Now think about a day when you get up on the wrong side of bed. Maybe you stub your toe on the bathroom door, put shaving gel on your toothbrush instead of toothpaste. Instead of taking a minute to reset your mindset before leaving the house, you take that attitude outside. Honking the horn aggressively at people crossing the road, pushing past people at the door, not holding the elevator for a colleague, telling the coffee person to hurry up and forgetting the thank you. All small things, but they add up and before you know it, you've had a crappy day. Not only have you had a bad day, but everyone around you has caught your negativity and spread it further.
Here are five simple changes you can make to your daily routine that will help you implement the power of positivity, and to stave off negative thoughts.
How do you stay positive – what are your best power of positivity tips? What has positivity helped your to survive in your life? Do you have a positivity mantra?
Being in your twenties can be pretty stressful. You've just graduated from university, you're finally earning some cash and you're out from under mum and dad's roof - in theory it should be the best time ever! But the harsh realities soon hit home, graduating from university throws you out of the safety of student loans and out into a harsh and competitive job market. You may have completed a degree, only to find you are not qualified for your dream job and to be plunged back into a world of coursework, exams and debts. You may be earning, but stuck in a job you can't stand, far from the dream career you envisioned and often far from the wage you had hoped for. And living out for the first time is a bloody shock to the system - suddenly realising the real cost of living and the sacrifices you have to make in order to gain that most basic freedom.
Times are definitely difficult for the average twenty-something. Despite all this freedom and the options that are available to us which might not have been for our grandparents, we often find that these have created more difficulty, stresses and worries for the future. We have so much more to think about than our grandparents with so much competition for the job and property markets. But it's time to stop all this - so many of us are worrying unnecessarily thanks to over-dramatic news stories that go on about the tiny job market, rising house prices, decreasing fertility in older women and the rest. Take a deep breath and check out this list of things I don't think any of us twenty-something's should be worrying about:
Put simply, don't let your worries hold you back. Get it all out of your system. Pack a bag and head off to Ibiza to party with your pals, don't be scared to dump a boyfriend who is holding you back, follow your nose and get that dream job, be cheeky and live at home for free, cut yourself off and travel the world. Just don't feel like you have to take everything on at once. I'm not saying your twenties are a disposable decade, not by a long shot, but they are the time when it's okay not to have it all locked down. Don't feel guilty or embarrassed because your life isn't perfect and you don't have everything locked down - the big secret? Nobody does! No matter how old they are!