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  >  Solo Female Travel   >  Love & Relationships   >  10 signs your relationship needs to go offline

boom1I don’t talk about my relationship often. My friends always say they know something is really wrong if I actually talk about what is going on, because the rest of the time I like to keep my cards close to my chest. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve no problem with talking about the good stuff as well, I just like to keep my relationship private. I’ve always thought that what goes on between a couple should stay between the couple – I know that isn’t always the case, but for the most part I believe it should stay that way. Just like I don’t tell all my other friends about all the stupid stuff me and my best friends get up to and all the rubbish we talk about, I don’t see the need to tell everyone about the moments that mean the world to my boyfriend and I – because quite honestly, who cares other than me and him? After well over eight years together, we have no need to tweet how much we love each other, we don’t need to publicise every romantic moment on Facebook, and I certainly don’t need to blog about every argument I win.

I realised not long ago that we’re not actually even listed as “in a relationship” on Facebook and I’m not even sure how long it has been that way… Pretty funny that I still get complete strangers coming up to me sometimes asking if I’m Wolfy’s girlfriend! But it made me realise that no matter how Facebook official things are, it isn’t proof of a good relationship, nor are soppy tweets or sickly sweet Instagram pictures. For me, the proof comes in radio silence. The happiest couples I know are the ones who barely communicate on social media because they’re too busy talking face-to-face. The ones who you could almost miss are a couple until something big happens like an engagement, a new home or a baby. They are the ones whose love transcends the world of social media, which is basically just communication on performance-enhancers, and they are the ones who happily go under the radar. Amusingly, all those pictures and quotes that are posted about what women want, holding out for a hero and all that tosh, are usually the things posted by the ones who wish they were in relationships like the ones splashed across our newsfeeds and rammed down our throats at every opportunity.shanns-planOf course it is wonderful and great to be in love, to have someone who cares about you and wants to make you happy. But does that mean you have to status update every meal at Nando’s, every date at the cinema, and every lazy Sunday spent in bed together? If you ask me – that’s too much OPDA for my liking (Online Personal Displays of Affection) and you need to step away from your phone. If you’re spending more time checking in on Facebook and tweeting about your date than talking to them, or if you’re thinking about the Instagram photos you’ll post later while he’s talking about how much he loves his dog – you need to sort out your priorities. I’m not saying keep everything off social media, it is a place for sharing of course, but when your relationship updates are the only thing you post, or people start commenting on how much you’re flooding their newsfeed – perhaps it’s time to take a step back.

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10 signs your relationship needs to go offline:

  1. Your relationship status is always the first thing to change when things get rocky, and you’ve been known to use “it’s complicated”
  2. You’ve had Facebook friends comment on a post saying “u ok bb?” or “inbox me bbes”
  3. The first thing your friend says to you when she sees you is “TELL ME EVERYTHING” about a cryptic relationship status/post
  4. You’ve posted a status or a photo of your beau captioned “my world” or “my everything”
  5. You’re sharing everything, from stories about the wart on his bum to pictures of you both lying in bed together…naked
  6. You spend all your time together on your phones, or your other half actually has to ask you to put your phone down during a date
  7. You check the pair of you in on every single date, supermarket trip, and even your phone calls…. when you are NOT even in the same room!
  8. You row on Facebook or Twitter, and even involve your friends
  9. EVERBODY knows your business, even the postman
  10. You have a joint Facebook account. Need I say more?

facebook-relationship-statusNow I have to be honest, being a blogger I spend a lot of time on social media and there have been times when my boyfriend has had to tell me to put my phone down. But I love that he does that. He is the complete opposite of me, he never posts on Facebook or Twitter, I think he’s forgotten he has Instagram, and that is so refreshing for someone who spends a lot of time blogging or sharing online. So it is nice when we go on dates, or have an evening together, that he makes me put my phone down and stop talking to the rest of the world so we can spend time just the two of us. Because that’s what a relationship is – just the two of you. And when it comes to those lasting memories – nobody remembers the time they tweeted about a date, but they do remember the way you made them feel and the laughs you shared. Priorities – that’s what it comes down to and, if you ask me, if social media comes first, you need to question whether you’re really meant to be together. So next time you head out for date night, try leaving your phone in your bag. Stop snapping every moment for Instagram and start appreciating the time you have together – you never know when it could run out.

Are you guilty of having an online relationship – how do you strike the balance? Do you have too many OPDAs crowding your newsfeed?

Ab Lucy sign off

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Comments:

  • November 14, 2014

    I could not agree more with this! It makes me cringe when I see loveydovey statuses and tweets. I just think ‘why not say it to their face? They’re probably sat right next to you!

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  • amy

    November 14, 2014

    i could not agree with this more!! i am in such a happy long term relationship that i never talk about! to me a sign of a healthy relationship is one that isnt shoved down peoples throats! id love it if youd comment back http://www.amyelizabethfashion.com/2014/11/fragrance-direct-christmas-party.html xx

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  • November 14, 2014

    Apart from photos or the occasional romantic post ( when appropriate) largely, mine and Malle’s is offline as I think if you share your relationship with the World then you open your relationship up to public scrutiny and others opinions of something that they know very little about. I totally agree with you about keeping it offline as much as you can…like you say, somethings are worth sharing like anniversary’s or if they have done something to make your day but the drama……definitrly should just be for you two

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  • November 14, 2014

    Really enjoyed reading this post and agree with everything you’ve said! I guess everyone has their way of showing how much they love their significant other etc but it in a way is quite sad how much people share online as a way of justifying that they do love their OH. I’m not saying I haven’t posted soppy things before as I have haha, but I’m definitely moving more towards keeping things private now, as a relationship really is between 2 people but between the world. Thank you for sharing Lucy! 🙂 I’ve really enjoyed reading your blog so have followed you on bloglovin – can’t wait to read more 🙂 x
    | Life as a Petite || Fashion, Crafts & Lifestyle Blog |

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  • November 15, 2014

    Such a great post, i couldn’t agree with you more! I can’t even begin to fathom couples who post everything on Facebook- i would absolutely hate everyone knowing how my relationship is going!

    Lizzy from Nomad Notebook

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  • November 15, 2014

    For sure… luv the ‘tell me everything’ blip. Liz and I both have separate FB accounts and different friends , a few are shared only. The only time I have seen Liz post on FB some mushy stuff was on our wedding anniversary. Course then you feel like a heel if you did something wrong that week What is with all the discussions you win 🙂 … As a PM in Canada said years ago the Nation (lets say social media) , have no business in the bedroom. I rarely put photos of us up except for events , holidays . Enjoyed your post and nice to know you have loving support behind you / Rob

    ps: is that condom text for real…. crazy ..

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  • November 17, 2014

    I love this post, Lucy! Sure, I blog about my relationship but every story I tell has a lesson to be learned from it. Facebook PDAs can be taken way too far and while I’m guilty of the odd soppy status update or cutesy couple photo there is no reason for anyone to air their dirty laundry online. You nailed it!

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  • November 18, 2014

    Great post! I have those friends who frequently change to ‘it’s complicated.’ Seems like far too much effort for me…

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  • Katie L Clark

    November 18, 2014

    There is nothing worse than couples who constantly post statuses about each other :/ I post the occasional photo at important events if the photo is nice…and that is only to stop people from messaging me asking whether we are still together! Sometimes I do wish facebook didn’t exist!

    An awful lot of friends from school think I barely see my boyfriend, little do they know we live together, have our three meals a day together and study together. At the end of the day, it’s our relationship and there’s two of us in it. Not the two of us and facebook!

    Thanks for a great post and for addressing this issue!

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  • Charlie Elliott (@charlienin)

    November 18, 2014

    I was on the verge of writing something very similar to this recently after seeing one too many ‘my girlfriend eats KFC in bed and wears a Star Wars t-shirt, she’s every man’s dream’ posts on Facebook. My bf is the same as yours, he barely uses social media and doesn’t even understand why I blog or why I’d want to share my life online (I can see his point sometimes!). Relationships are for the two of you, and I’m firmly in the ‘no PDAs ESPECIALLY ON THE TUBE’ school of thought. We know we love each other so who else needs to know?!
    Cx
    charliedistracted.com / Bloglovin

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  • November 19, 2014

    I LOVE this post!? Just like you, I’m always online & my boyfriend stays well away from it. But I hardly post relationship stuff online! I think unless friends see us together you probably wouldn’t know we’re still together!…I mean I’m always being asked (even from relatives) if we’re still together because it’s so private. Sometimes I have those days when I want to share things with my online world but once I remember I hate the thought of everyone knowing I soon stop!!

    I wish so many of my facebook friends could read your post and realise this relates to them…while the special things are allowed online, I don’t need to read every ‘inside joke’ or their soppy posts…when no one else is actually bothered!? haha

    sarah xo || time to see the stars ||

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  • November 20, 2014

    The “it’s complicated” thing is so ridiculous. It’ll go from single –> in a relationship –> it’s complicated –> single –> it’s complicated. At some point you just need to cut bait!

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  • Pingback: Hindsight: Advice I would give to my younger self | Absolutely Lucy

    November 21, 2014
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  • November 22, 2014

    Loved this post and couldn’t agree more. My husbamd isn’t even on social media and I couldn’t be happier about that.
    xo
    -Julianne
    http://www.lucyandg.blogspot.it

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  • November 22, 2014

    I love this! I don’t post very much online about my relationship (definitely no soppy facebook status’) but I think I’d like to post even less in future. It’s goes for other parts of my life too, I don’t feel as though I should have to publish them for them to mean something. My boyfriend very rarely posts anything personal online, just interesting pieces of news which I think is nice. I know a girl who is always complaining about people being nosey about her love life, yet she posts every single bit of it to Facebook!

    Suzanna xx

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