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imageSome friendships break at the first sign of trouble - perhaps a boy gets in the way, or the distance becomes too great, or it's just not as easy peasy when you're not in the same class at school together. What it comes down to is often laziness when your lives start taking you in opposite directions, a shame, but often it is the best way to cut down your friends to the ones who really deserve to be on your Christmas card list. I'm talking about the ones who will pick you up in the middle of the night when it all goes wrong, who will sit out with you until the sun comes out talking about life and setting the world to rights. Those soulmates that you know you just can't live without, whose voices appear at the end of the telephone line at the slightest sniff of trouble and scream with excitement at any tiny piece of good news. They're the ones you want around and they're the ones who stick by you even when you make a life changing decision to jet off across the globe without any idea of when you will return.

I won't lie to you, it's not easy to maintain friendships and relationships over Skype and Whatsapp, many just won't make it. But the world we live in makes it easier than ever to keep in touch and there really isn't any excuse for not showing the people you love how you feel. Often I find friendships like these fall into one of two categories - there's the ones you speak to all the time, whether it's just a like or comment on a picture on Facebook, a long old chat on Whatsapp, or FaceTiming once a week to update each other on all the gossip. Then there's the friendships that seem untouched by time, the people you don't speak to for weeks, even months on end and yet you know that you could call on them any time of day for help, or even just a chat. Both types are just as important and I know my best friends fit into both of these categories and all of them are just as important to me while I'm out here, as I hope I am to them. When it comes to family, there's nothing more important than letting them know you are safe and well, and for you to know the same about them. Trust me, if you've ever had drama while travelling or felt unsafe at any point, you'll know the first thing you want to do is call home.image

 

So how can you keep these friendships and relationships alive?

Compromise is key
They have to understand you are travelling and that you won't always have good wifi or the time to be on the end of the phone or message 24/7, just like you have to understand that life at home goes on without you and that family and friends have lives and jobs too. Try and organise a time that suits both of you to Skype or message, that way everyone is happy.

Flexibility helps
Sometimes you just need to talk to the other person even though it's the middle of the night, sometimes you're upset or things have gone wrong, or you're just plain homesick. Other times, your best mate's cat might have died, or his girlfriend dumped him - perhaps they need to talk. Or there could be a family crisis that doesn't fit in with your free time for skyping. Be flexible and open to talking when it doesn't suit, it might be necessary.

Be honest
If something the other person has said or done has annoyed you, just come out with it. You know how they always say married couples shouldn't go to bed on an argument? Well it's the same principle even when you're thousands of miles apart. Often they don't even know you're annoyed but just saying it out loud can ease the problem.

Make the effort
There's no debating - relationships are built on the effort you make and the time and love you put into them, if you can't be bothered to call and catch up or to listen to their problems every now and again then you can't expect them to return the favour. Friendship and family are a two way thing, let down your end and you can't be sure the other end will still work.

Don't forget the small gestures
Sometimes it can just take a thoughtful tweet or Facebook message to make a person's day, things like wishing them a "Happy World Elephant Day" because you know it will make them smile. Or sending them a message to say how proud of them you are for passing an exam or coping with something big by themselves - remember to do the small things.

Don't go changing
Travel has a huge impact on your life and you can't deny it changes your priorities, but don't let it change who you are as a person. Remember the people who were with you from the start and don't forget to value them even when you're swept up in meeting new people and making new friends.

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Have you lost touch with friends at home? What's your preferred way of keeping in contact with friends and family? Do you prefer to message all the time or save it for a big catch up?

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imageGetting your heart broken is never fun, whether you're at school, you're working full time or whether you're off travelling the world - it hurts the same. What is different, is the way you deal with that pain. I remember the last time I had my heart broken in extraordinary detail, I remember every ache of my heart, every tear that threatened to spill down my cheeks, and every painful second of conversation as everyday life carried on around me. It was horrible, the worst pain I have every felt, because unlike a physical pain it wasn't something I could escape from. I still had to get up and go to work every single day, I still had to see people and to force myself to do things when all I really wanted was to run away or hide under my duvet. It's hard when you get your heart broken at home because you're still in close quarters with the person who did it. Even if you're not living together or right round the corner from each other - you're acutely aware of their presence, of their routine and knowing you could bump into them at any time. It makes it harder in many ways because you feel like you can't move on while they're still around you, while every memory of what you had with them haunts your journey to work.

I'm lucky, it's been a long time now since I had my heart broken, but what healed me was coming travelling. Escaping from my norm and going off in pursuit of the adventure I had been longing for all along. I spoke to a friend the other day who has just had her heart broken and who is being left to travel solo as a result - she's devastated, unsure of where to go next, or whether to even carry on, as you might expect. Talking to her about the situation inspired this post - it made me realise that so many of us travellers go through exactly the same. When you're away travelling, you constantly feel like you're on holiday and what comes with holidays? A holiday romance! It's a natural fit and seems only right that it is so much easier to fall head over heels for someone new, exotic and exciting in the heat of the moment. There's just something in the air that makes you fall a lot harder for people when you know that there is no pressure other than time pulling you in different directions. It's a special feeling when you know that you actually have the complete freedom to follow your heart - that if you want to change all your travel plans because you fell in love, you actually can do it at the drop of a hat. You don't get that in real life - back at home your alarm clock will always go off for work in the morning, distance will always be a problem and there will always be other demands on your time.

So say it all goes wrong and that guy, or girl, you're crazy about just decides they have to go in the opposite direction, or they're not quite ready to change their plans. What do you do? How do you get over the devastation? Here are my top tips for getting over travelling heartbreak:

Feel sad
Often travellers feel guilty for feeling sad when everyone says they should be having the time of their lives - but it's no different to being at home. Feeling the sadness will allow you to move on quicker.

Look after yourself
If you have friends or family you can go and visit, go and do it! Allow them to look after you and give you the moral support you need - travelling solo doesn't mean you have to go through it alone! If you can't, spend a lot of time catching up with family and friends on FaceTime, and pamper yourself! Look after yourself until you feel better.

Throw yourself into something
Working, playing or planning usually works for me. Focusing on work and saving up for your next adventure can be good, or if you have some money saved, spend it on going out and having fun, make new friends and distract yourself. Or just start planning your next adventure.

Don't give up
There will be times it all seems hopeless and you feel like packing it all in and going home to your mum - but you will regret it more than anything in the world. This is one of those character defining moments you will look back on and say, "that's when I changed, that's when I became stronger."

Prepare for your escape
Plan to get out of wherever you are as soon as you have healed. This place will stay in your head as the place you recovered after having your heart broken, why not have a fresh start somewhere else and get ready to take on travelling solo. That's the beauty of travelling, you're not tied to any one place.

Arrive somewhere new
Feeling stronger, but still hesitant, you're not sure you're ready for the next step. But you are, I promise. Throw yourself into your new life, tell yourself you're okay, tell yourself you're more than okay. Eventually you will believe it and by then you will have a whole bunch of new friends, a whole new story to tell.

Look back and realise it all was worth it
Months later, you'll suddenly realise you haven't thought on that guy, or girl, for ages. For a second you'll think back fondly on the memories as something reminds you. You'll realise you really have moved on and will only look back with a smile on your face. That's the traveller - he, or she, looks back with love in her heart on every person she meets, because they all helped shape the person she is and the memories she has made.

It might not feel like it now, but everyone recovers from a broken heart and comes out stronger on the other side - it takes time and it hurts like hell but it also helps you become the person you are. I've met so many people on my travels who were crazy in love with someone but sadly torn apart. I've met others who were crazy in love but their other half just didn't feel the same way - it's not easy But it happens. Just don't let it stand in the way of your travels being the best they can be.

Have you been heartbroken while travelling? What are your top tips for dealing with heartbreak? 

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imageIt's been a funny few weeks - I won't go into too many details but let's just say a few things have happened lately that have really forced me to step up and act like an adult. It's pretty easy when travelling to feel like you're 18 and invincible, that nothing can touch you and that somehow you're just evading all the bad things in life. Often you're just so overwhelmed by the goodness and kindness of people that you wonder if you had them all wrong when you were back home working that 9-5 job and getting stressed out constantly by the behaviour of others. I'm not going to deny that bad things ever happen when you're travelling, but to be honest they don't very often - at least nowhere near as often as people warn you that they do. But when they do, it's a shock, it brings you back down to earth with a bump after months of soaring along with your head in the clouds. Don't worry, everyone, including myself are okay - if anything, I'm being a bit dramatic. Why? Well it all goes back to a conversation I had the other week with a friend about the situation, something she said really struck me and made me think.

When asked about life back at home, I told her that I don't really get homesick - yes I miss the people, the moments and the history, but I don't think I have once spent a day pining for home. I know some find homesickness a real problem when travelling and I've had friends who can be down for days on end if something sets off those feelings, but that's just not me. I was never homesick when I went to university either, I think I'm just used to dealing with the feeling of being separate and I'm a very logical person who will always reason with herself that family and friends are always at the end of the phone. My friend, who does get homesick and has been missing home lately, commented on how independent I was and seemed surprised by it. Especially when she realised that I had travelled so far across the world by myself and was unafraid to tackle Asia and Australia solo. I've had this reaction multiple times since planning my travels and setting out - it's something that just seems odd to me and perhaps highlights that it is still thought of as unusual for a young woman to be "brave" enough to be on her own and to be completely independent. Don't worry - I'm not going to start quoting Beyoncé songs to you, but I do want to make the point that I think it is a huge compliment to say that someone is so very independent.

Independence is vastly underrated - whether is financial, emotional, physical or even mental, there is nothing more valuable than the ability to be on your own and still be happy. Too many people in this world are relying on the behaviour of others to make them happy, but wonder why they are always left disappointed. They don't seem to appreciate that you have no control over the behaviour of others, ultimately if they want to mess you around or treat you badly, you can't do anything about it except adjust your own attitude. I've forgiven people for some pretty horrid behaviour over the years and sometimes I'm asked why - I always respond, because it doesn't have any impact on me beyond being upset. That person has to live with the knowledge of how they have treated me and my hating them for it will only make me unhappy and bitter - why would I want to introduce that unhappiness into my own life? As I said on my Facebook page the other day - not relying on others to make you happy is the greatest power of all. By being able to make yourself happy through fulfilling your own goals, setting your own challenges and comforting yourself in times of strife, you give yourself the key to happiness. Solo travel is a great way to learn that, but it's something we should all learn in our own lives - other people can make your life better but only you can make it great.imageOf course we need others to bring light into our lives in other ways - to put a smile on our face after a hard day, to crack a joke when we're mad, or do thoughtful things, but what happens on the day when they aren't there? You need to be able to build yourself back up instead of just expecting others to do it for you. I've always been a very independent person, but before coming travelling I was a lot more emotionally dependent on others. Travelling solo has given me the space and the time to get to know myself better, it has meant learning to look after myself when times are tough and boy, have they been tough sometimes. I remember being pulled out of a crashed minibus which was half buried in a ditch, I'd been thrown against the windscreen and would have gone through it if it weren't for the driver grabbing hold of me. I stood on the side of the road with blood pouring from my legs, with a group of Cambodians who spoke barely any English, and remember thinking, I genuinely don't know if I'll make it out of this one. Being in a situation like that, being forced to look after yourself and to get yourself to safety in a city that is still a hundred miles away is quite a challenge. But I did it, and I'm a stronger person for it. Now I don't want anyone to go through anything like that, but there are ways to teach yourself the value of independence without putting yourself in danger.

Just taking a tiny step outside your comfort zone and doing it all by yourself is the most valuable experience of all - it can mean disappearing off one day and exploring a place you've never been before, forcing yourself to eat out alone, dealing with something complicated all by yourself instead of seeking help from parents or a partner. All of these are things I do on a daily basis now - I love to eat out alone, I love the satisfaction of managing to deal with a problem completely by myself or turning up in a place where no-one knows me and no-one in the world knows where I am. Some people call that brave, I call it just living my life one step at a time and taking chances. So far it's paid off better than I ever could have imagined and it could be the same for everyone. Being independent is one of the most empowering feelings I have ever known. Some say to love and be loved is the greatest thing of all, but I think that being brave enough to say "I got this shit" to yourself and to others every damn day and proving it again and again is the one to aim for. Don't ever think independence is a lonely place - I've never been surrounded by and had the support of quite so many amazing people who I know love me and would do anything for me as I have lately - what brought us all together is the fact that we all kick ass independently.

Do you consider yourself independent? How else can we gain independence? When's the last time you went off the grid?

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imagePeople travel for all kinds of reasons, but often one that drives them to make the huge decision to go it alone is heartbreak. The desire to be independent and free after big changes in your personal life can be the perfect motivation to go and get lost in the wilderness somewhere and never return. Something that starts out as an escape from the harsh realities of life can soon blossom into something so incredible that you'll never believe you haven't been living like this all along. I've met so many people on my journey who had been forced to take a long hard look at the way they were living their lives after a long term relationship blew up in their faces. What really amazed me about it was how healing travelling could be for these situations - the combination of excitement, experience, culture and a reignited zest for life was the perfect way to get over heartbreak. Time passes so slowly and so quickly at the same time - simultaneously you will feel like you've been away for no time at all and yet so much will have happened, changed and affected you. It's a perfect way to get over someone.

For those whose trips aren't fuelled by the desire to escape the relationships dramas of back home, we all know the potential for a holiday romance is never higher than when you're young, free, single and backpacking on an extended trip. We may flat out deny it to our friends back home but the idea of a little holiday romance is one we all fantasise about while lazing on golden sandy beaches, or while cruising over ocean waves in one of the most romantic settings in the world. When all you meet are interesting people with a story to tell, a spark in their soul and an adventure underway, it's not surprising that most people seem to meet someone pretty amazing while on the road. I have actually met several couples since travelling who say they found each other along the way after setting out solo, fell madly in love and haven't looked back since. But whether that moment lasts for a night, a few week or months, or a lifetime, each fling is as special as the last. Those romances teach us so much more than relationships at home because they push us out of our comfort zone, takes off the pressure of society's eyes and gives us a freedom to be who we really wanted to be all along.image

 

12 signs you've fallen in love while travelling:

  1. You've gone from being that fiercely independent girl who don't need no man, to a slightly softened version of yourself who finally admits it was nice to have them around.
  2. You used to be that person who complained about couples who felt the need to spoon on one bunk bed but then you spent every night spooning in one - hypocrite!
  3. You got annoyed when people called them your boyfriend or girlfriend, you couldn't deal with labels and yet you had taken on the roles with ease.
  4. You still can't believe it happened - they just came out of nowhere and disappeared as fast but even months or years later the memory brings a smile to your face.
  5. You've had to wave someone you've known for just days or weeks off with tears in your eyes and feeling like you've known them forever.
  6. You make all these big plans to travel the world together and do all these exciting things together knowing it's likely they'll never happen - but know that doesn't matter.
  7. You learn how to say all sorts of rude things in another language - key phrases of course.
  8. Moving in together after just a night or two seems pretty normal, especially if you're in Asia and can afford your own bungalow.
  9. You know you've formed friendships for life with these people - you've both been through something so intense together and that this will forever be treasured by both of you.
  10. You know that what you had together would be dismissed as a fling or holiday romance back home, and possibly never would have happened with the eyes of the world on you.
  11. Feeling this way about someone at this point in your life has healed a part of you that you didn't know needed healing.
  12. You never said goodbye, you just said see you later and knew you would.

This post was sponsored by Durex and if you liked this post, you'll love this list of the Mediterannean's top ten nudist beaches they created. Fancy something a little cheekier? Head to this one instead.

Have you fallen in love on your travels? Had a holiday romance that turned into something more? 

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All photos by Madeleine Ko.

imageI know many of you have been wondering what on earth has happened to Absolutely Lucy, I've had so many lovely emails and messages from you all, but there's no need to worry - I'm back! I took a little blogging break over the last two weeks because I had so much going on that it just became impossible to write anything down, plus the wifi has been so terrible here that I couldn't rely on it to upload new posts. In a big change from the party girl you all know and love, I'm now a responsible citizen with two jobs - and hopefully a third soon - who is looking for an apartment and getting settled for the next few months of working and saving in my new home of Darwin. After spending 10 days in Cairns celebrating the end of a fantastic East Coast trip - more to come on this soon - we flew to Darwin for the next stage of our trip when I would be settling down to live and save for a while. I actually can't believe how much I was craving routine, normality and a steady life after seven months of travelling but it's been lovely to get settled in a more homely hostel and to make a little family with the people here. We're all looking to stay and save for a few months and are getting settled in, which is lovely after having so many friends who passed through my life so quickly on the East Coast.

As I'm sure many of you know, I was travelling for two months with Mark, after we were reunited following six months apart. I'm not sure how many of you actually know that we broke up when I came travelling, but remain the best of friends, and it was amazing to be reunited and to have two months of travelling, partying and just doing what the hell we want. Sadly, all good things must come to an end and he left to fly to Thailand on Monday where he will spend the next three weeks before heading home to go to university. I always say that the worst part of travelling is saying goodbye, and although me and my best friends always say "it's not goodbye, it's just see you later", it doesn't make it any easier. It's hard enough saying goodbye to the friends you make on the road and have the most intense, crazy fun times with for a few weeks or days before parting ways. Having to say goodbye to someone who has been such a huge part of your life for ten years is the hardest thing in the world, and I've done it twice in the last eight months. Last time we knew it would be just six months until we would see each other again, but now we have to go even longer - perhaps seven or eight months at the very least - perhaps longer. It sucks, but sometimes you have to make sacrifices if you want to really live your dreams.

On a totally separate note, I was pretty excited to finally catch up on my emails and receive one that said Absolutely Lucy has been named one of the UK's top 100 Travel Blogs by DiscountMyFlights.co.uk! Read the full post here. I'm so honoured to be counted as one of the final 100 let alone to be listed first - it was such a boost after my blogging break and has really given me the motivation to get back into it. UK online travel website DiscountMyFlights.co.uk released the Top 100 UK Travel Blogs, a list compiled through crowdsourcing on social media sites. Bloggers were nominated from a variety of different sources including travel forums, bookmarking sites, travel communities. Nominees were then validated by the Travel Tips Editor Anna Murray. The company said: "This is a great accomplishment in a competitive and online sector that appears to be growing substantially." It's always so amazing to be recognised for something that started out as just a hobby and has gradually turned into a passion - especially when your passion fades for a while and needs reinvigorating. I'm really proud that AbsolutelyLucy.com has grown into something so special and so happy I could share it with all the amazing friends I've met travelling, who message me on a regular basis to say how much they love the posts, as well as all the people close to my heart I've left back at home. Thanks to all for being a part of this, and I'll be bringing more posts to you by the end of the week!

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love mapAs you read this, my travels will have already started and I thought it was important to write this post and share what has probably been the hardest part of my decision to leave. The first thing everyone has asked me upon finding out I was going travelling was "are you going with your boyfriend?". When I replied no on each occasion, I saw the same surprised blank faces in front of me - particularly when I announced I was going it alone. I'm not sure why it is such a shock to people as I've always been quite an independent person - but clearly it seems quite odd to a lot of people that we would be able to go without each other for any length of time. To paint a picture for those who don't know us, me and Wolfy have been together for well over eight years. We've survived all sorts, including me moving away for university for three years, and defied all those who said we'd never last or that we weren't suited - amazingly there were a lot of people who felt that way. But we made it this far and we seem to be doing better than okay. So I can totally understand why people think "they love each other, therefore they must not be able to live without each other".

Relationships always face difficulties at some point - a hurdle that pops up out of nowhere, whether a problem between the two of you, or interference from outside sources. But when you've been together as long as we have, and from as young an age, sometimes the problems that crop up are actually just dreams that pull you in opposite directions. We've all got dreams, big ideas and hopes for the things we want to achieve, see and do - but what happens when they clash with those of the one we love? Well we're faced with a big decision about what to do. This is actually something that's been playing on my mind a lot lately because I have a few friends who, although in slightly different situations, have struggled with similarly big decisions. I guess it is a common theme in our twenties that we will be faced with big choices over our relationships - our teens are the easy time, although they may not feel like it, when nothing really tests us other than ourselves. Even the separation of university is something that can be easy to live with because to an extent we still have a choice over distance and whether we want to go the distance. But by the time we hit our twenties, we are looking at careers, new homes, marriage and babies in some cases, and travel. There are so many more factors that will affects our relationships and we will be forced into difficult decisions.markI'm not the only one who has found this, I actually know several people who have found lately that they have had to choose one aspect of their life over another. One friend has chosen to move two-and-a-half hours away from all of her friends and family, leaving behind a job she had worked her way up to, in order to follow her boyfriend. He was moving to a much better job and she had to take a pay cut in order to be with him, but for her the decision was the right one for her because she loves him and wants to be with him. Now they are able to live together, instead of breaking up or living hours apart. A couple I know came to an end after the subject of travel was broached, they had been together for years but he didn't want to travel and she passionately did - so they finished and she started planning her trip. I know of another couple who broke up because the guy wanted to settle down together, with big plans for marriage and babies, but she wanted to keep her freedom and to work on her career first, so they broke up and moved on. What do all of these couples have in common? They're all in their twenties and their lives are ever changing and evolving - sometimes couples are on different wavelengths and that can mean different directions.

For me and Wolfy, I know that we are on the same wavelength but that after eight-and-a-half years we are being pulled in different directions. For me, I'm in a job that I just can't do any longer and I've reached a point in my life where I want to experience something new. It was a choice between moving away for work or travelling, and that decision was a simple one for me. For Wolfy, he regrets not putting in the time and effort for his studies and has realised he needs a change of career, so for him, the move is to retake his A-levels and go to university. The timing for us isn't great and we don't want to be apart, but we also both realise that we have to follow our individual dreams in order to be happy together. Neither of us should have to put our individual dreams on hold at this age, surely we will only end up resenting each other if we try? I'm not saying it's going to be easy - because I know it won't be. Saying goodbye earlier this week was the hardest thing I have ever done. But for us, this isn't a break up, more like hitting pause on things until we can resume play. We hope that it will be just six months until we are reunited in Australia - that might be naive on our part, or it might be a mature decision that works out really well. Either way, all we can do is hope that things work out for us. I've always believed that everything happens for a reason - I'm not always sure what that reason is but I know that it will all work out in the end. And I'm treating this just like that - it doesn't mean being separated is any easier, but it does mean we can hope that if we are meant to be together that it will work out.sgp 4

I'd love to hear your stories of when you've been forced to choose between love and your career, or family, or even travel, like I have. Did it work out for you? Or do you still regret the one that got away?

Ab Lucy sign off

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I like to live my life with no regrets, and I'm happy to say that up to this point in my life, I genuinely don't regret a single thing. Everything that has happened up to now had led me to this point, and I'm pretty happy with my lot in life. I've got a great job, amazing friends and family, a pretty special boyfriend and big plans for the future. I may have struggled along the way to getting to this point, and I may have had some tough times - but that makes me value what I have more than ever and I can't help but be grateful for that. Throughout my life I have always strived to be the best version of myself as much as possible, whether that means going out of my way to help people or working hard for my degree or job. I have to admit, putting my all into everything does mean I've turned into a bit of a perfectionist and my high standards have meant that I've been left disappointed by others over the years. But I've learnt to accept that I have no control over the actions of others, that I can only focus on my own actions because they are the only thing that is within my control. Trust me, that's not an easy thing for any perfectionist to deal with - I'm sure there are those who know and are nodding at the screen right now.

Regret is a funny word. It can be meaningless to a person, or it can be everything. With phrases like "carpe diem" and "live for the moment" tattooed on peoples' extremities, plastered across inspirational images posted on Instagram and engrained on our brains - it's no surprise that everyone says they live a life of no regrets. A conversation with a friend really got me thinking about this, whether I would do anything differently or whether I am actually really happy with the way things have turned out. I've always been very much of the viewpoint that things, to a extent, happen for a reason. I think if we don't feel a certain drive to act in a certain way, we can't really regret it, we can only learn from it. We can always wonder if things would have turned out differently, even though we know we can't change things. I guess my regrets come more in the form of things I would love to tell my younger self, glimpses into the future I would have liked to have shared and to have known at the time. You've got to admit if you could go back in time and warn about a nasty boyfriend or a bad haircut, you would definitely do it...

So what would I say to my younger self?


Advice to Lucy, age 5-10

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My favourite spotty dress

  1. Really revel in staying up past bedtime reading books under your covers, and building whole cities for your Barbies. Soon will come a time when you don't get to do either any more.
  2. Persevere in maths - it's hard and it's horrible, but it's better to learn it all now than having to catch up and I promise your hard work will pay off before high school.
  3. It's not nice to fight with your sister, but soon a time will come when it's considered GBH and she won't find it quite as funny. Make the most of it while you can.
  4. Don't breathe in when that teacher comes over to read your work over your shoulder. Chugging instant coffee and chewing gum is a combination that will make you gag.

 

 

 


 Advice to Lucy, age 10-16

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At a film premiere in my acting days

  1. Friendship groups change more often than your socks, but identify the keepers and hold them close. Stick to the ones who have been there through think and thin, you'll be fine.
  2. Don't be afraid to work hard, what's not "cool" is living off benefits for the rest of your life and not getting to go to university because you didn't pass your exams.
  3. Boys are great as friends, unreliable as boyfriends at this age. Flirting is fun, but don't waste your time - you'll have more fun with your girls and someone very special is on the way.
  4. GCSE's don't actually matter!! All that work and they don't actually amount to anything past a pass in English, maths and science to get into Sixth Form - still make sure you do well but don't stress yourself out.

 

 

 

 


 

 Advice to Lucy, age 16 to 18

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Before the Sixth Form leavers do

  1. Don't be afraid to speak up sooner. Those friends who have let you down repeatedly, been nasty and contribute nothing - they don't deserve to be in your life.
  2. Don't listen to the haters and the worriers - they know nothing about your relationship and you're still going strong over seven years later! Dive in heart first and enjoy it.
  3. Don't be pressured by your parents and others into choosing a university you know isn't right for you - you're making the right decision and you're going to have the time of your life!
  4. Think about other options for careers and do some more research - think about journalism and media as an option instead of just teaching.

 

 

 

 


 Advice to Lucy, aged 18-21

me1

On my 21st birthday

  1. Partying hard will never stop you achieving your goals - enjoy, you deserve it after working so hard and no-one should stop you.
  2. Stop wasting time and accept that no matter how much you want to save friends, you can't. They have to save themselves and all you can do is be there to pick up the pieces.
  3. Not taking a dissertation module will not affect you, but getting more journalism experience will only benefit you. Get involved with the student newspaper.
  4. Start a blog. You're going to do really well in a few years, but that will only make you regret not starting earlier when you had more time on your hands.

 

 

 


Advice to Lucy, aged 22-present

me

Before a night out aged 22

  1. You're making the right decision to come home and take the job at the paper, but don't expect to finish that journalism qualification - some big changes are coming.
  2. Save, save, save, save. No matter what you think you're saving for, understand that at some point you will want to escape and you need a fund behind you. No matter how little you earn, you can always save.
  3. Don't be afraid of a big change - you can live in denial for a year or you can make a snap decision and face up to what you have known all along - travel is the way out.
  4. Becoming editor of This Festival Feeling is one of the best things you will have done up to this point - enjoy it and really squeeze everything you can out of it.

After a request from a fellow blogger, I'm turning this post into a blogging tag! My first one, and I'm hoping you'll all enjoy writing this post as much as I have. I want to all to share the advice and things you would say to your former self - then nominate five bloggers to do the same. My nominations are:

     Charlie          Holly          Jasmine          Aftab          Antoinette

Enjoy ladies!

What advice would you give to your younger self?

Ab Lucy sign off

PS. Don't forget to vote for me in the UK Blog Awards travel and lifestyle categories!! Click here and here to cast your votes xx

boom1I don't talk about my relationship often. My friends always say they know something is really wrong if I actually talk about what is going on, because the rest of the time I like to keep my cards close to my chest. Don't get me wrong, I've no problem with talking about the good stuff as well, I just like to keep my relationship private. I've always thought that what goes on between a couple should stay between the couple - I know that isn't always the case, but for the most part I believe it should stay that way. Just like I don't tell all my other friends about all the stupid stuff me and my best friends get up to and all the rubbish we talk about, I don't see the need to tell everyone about the moments that mean the world to my boyfriend and I - because quite honestly, who cares other than me and him? After well over eight years together, we have no need to tweet how much we love each other, we don't need to publicise every romantic moment on Facebook, and I certainly don't need to blog about every argument I win.

I realised not long ago that we're not actually even listed as "in a relationship" on Facebook and I'm not even sure how long it has been that way... Pretty funny that I still get complete strangers coming up to me sometimes asking if I'm Wolfy's girlfriend! But it made me realise that no matter how Facebook official things are, it isn't proof of a good relationship, nor are soppy tweets or sickly sweet Instagram pictures. For me, the proof comes in radio silence. The happiest couples I know are the ones who barely communicate on social media because they're too busy talking face-to-face. The ones who you could almost miss are a couple until something big happens like an engagement, a new home or a baby. They are the ones whose love transcends the world of social media, which is basically just communication on performance-enhancers, and they are the ones who happily go under the radar. Amusingly, all those pictures and quotes that are posted about what women want, holding out for a hero and all that tosh, are usually the things posted by the ones who wish they were in relationships like the ones splashed across our newsfeeds and rammed down our throats at every opportunity.shanns-planOf course it is wonderful and great to be in love, to have someone who cares about you and wants to make you happy. But does that mean you have to status update every meal at Nando's, every date at the cinema, and every lazy Sunday spent in bed together? If you ask me - that's too much OPDA for my liking (Online Personal Displays of Affection) and you need to step away from your phone. If you're spending more time checking in on Facebook and tweeting about your date than talking to them, or if you're thinking about the Instagram photos you'll post later while he's talking about how much he loves his dog - you need to sort out your priorities. I'm not saying keep everything off social media, it is a place for sharing of course, but when your relationship updates are the only thing you post, or people start commenting on how much you're flooding their newsfeed - perhaps it's time to take a step back.

10 signs your relationship needs to go offline:

  1. Your relationship status is always the first thing to change when things get rocky, and you've been known to use "it's complicated"
  2. You've had Facebook friends comment on a post saying "u ok bb?" or "inbox me bbes"
  3. The first thing your friend says to you when she sees you is "TELL ME EVERYTHING" about a cryptic relationship status/post
  4. You've posted a status or a photo of your beau captioned "my world" or "my everything"
  5. You're sharing everything, from stories about the wart on his bum to pictures of you both lying in bed together...naked
  6. You spend all your time together on your phones, or your other half actually has to ask you to put your phone down during a date
  7. You check the pair of you in on every single date, supermarket trip, and even your phone calls.... when you are NOT even in the same room!
  8. You row on Facebook or Twitter, and even involve your friends
  9. EVERBODY knows your business, even the postman
  10. You have a joint Facebook account. Need I say more?

facebook-relationship-statusNow I have to be honest, being a blogger I spend a lot of time on social media and there have been times when my boyfriend has had to tell me to put my phone down. But I love that he does that. He is the complete opposite of me, he never posts on Facebook or Twitter, I think he's forgotten he has Instagram, and that is so refreshing for someone who spends a lot of time blogging or sharing online. So it is nice when we go on dates, or have an evening together, that he makes me put my phone down and stop talking to the rest of the world so we can spend time just the two of us. Because that's what a relationship is - just the two of you. And when it comes to those lasting memories - nobody remembers the time they tweeted about a date, but they do remember the way you made them feel and the laughs you shared. Priorities - that's what it comes down to and, if you ask me, if social media comes first, you need to question whether you're really meant to be together. So next time you head out for date night, try leaving your phone in your bag. Stop snapping every moment for Instagram and start appreciating the time you have together - you never know when it could run out.

Are you guilty of having an online relationship - how do you strike the balance? Do you have too many OPDAs crowding your newsfeed?

Ab Lucy sign off

PS. I'd love it if you would vote for me in the UK Blog Awards by following this link!

Ireland 3As you read this, I'm packing and getting ready to go to the airport for a wedding in Ireland with the boyfriend's family. I'm so unbelievably excited about this wedding, there has been one every autumn for the last few years, but this is the last one for a while and it's a very special one. This wedding is taking us to a tiny island in the centre of Waterford, where the wedding will take place in a castle! I visited the castle last September and it was just beautiful, like something out of a fairytale, and covered in trailing red flowers. Looking at it, I half expected Rapunzel to lean out of the turrets and pour down her golden hair. We're actually staying on the island in lodges as well so we won't have far to stumble back to bed after the wedding, but in true Irish style, the celebrations will continue for three days of partying, drinking, eating and being very merry. So, this post is all about celebrating the 10 things I love the most about Ireland, and what has kept me going back every autumn for the last few years.Ireland 1

THE PEOPLE

Everyone I have met in Ireland has been friendly, welcoming and has gone out of their way to make you feel at home. I wouldn't want to generalise but if you walk down the street in England, you will be met with more frowns and grumpy faces than you can cope with, but in Ireland, everyone has always been happy to see me and chat. Everyone I have ever met on my visits has been warm and kind, plus quick to help if you are lots of need a recommendation. Plus, THAT accent gets me every time.

THE LANDSCAPE

Ireland is a beautiful country with everything to offer, inland there are rolling hills and lush green fields full of cows and sheep. On the coast there are stunning beaches, cute seaside towns and choppy waves. So many towns look like time forgot them and they still hold that quaint appeal in the tiny churches and hole-in-the-wall pubs with warm fires and great music.Ireland 4THE FOOD

You guys know by now, I love my food and anywhere that can promise me a good meal is going high up in my estimations. Well Ireland certainly delivers, and particularly at last year's wedding where we had some amazing freshly caught seafood in the coastal town where we were staying, and had the gorgeous prime Irish beef as the main wedding meal. Yum. Looking forward to seeing what food we'll get this time!

THE PARTIES

Every single time we go to an Irish wedding it is a pretty legendary night - the last one saw us partying with the bride to an epic soundtrack she had picked herself and downing beers until the sun came up - the bride and groom actually carried on and yet still beat us to breakfast! Another one we went to was pretty manic and ended up with me locked out of the hotel room and having to bunk in with some cousins! These events always involve a lot of booze, dancing and fun so I'm sure I'll have some tales to tell after this one!Ireland 5 THE FAMILY

I really love getting to spend time with the boyfriend's extended family - my family, although big, are spread across the globe and we don't often see each other. When we do, we are not particularly close, so it is lovely to spend time with a family who make such an effort to get together and to celebrate even the tiniest occasions. It is a lovely thing to be a part of and they do make me a big part of it. At this wedding, a member of the family will be travelling from South Africa to ordain the ceremony, and there are lots of others travelling from America.

THE HOLIDAY

As you guys know, I've been working constantly for a long time now and have been saving hard for backpacking in a few months, I haven't really had a proper break because all my holiday time has been spent at festivals which are just as crazy! So this will be a nice relaxing break as well, a chance to regroup and get away from work for a bit. I have long needed a break - that's for sure! Ireland is the perfect place for a break because although you feel a million miles away from home, it is super convenient to get to.Ireland 2THE ACTIVITIES

Every time I've visited Ireland, we've had no end of fun things to do, see and try. Previously we've had big family meals, gone walking around the coast, watched family take part in a 10k run, taken the kids to the funfair, visited a monastery and family graves, and even gone to the races! This time, there is a big golfing game to join in and, obviously the wedding, but we also have a huge family do the day after at a well-known pub, which will give us lots of time to spend together. There's so much to do!

Have you been to Ireland? What did you think of the country and what has made it a special place for you?

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